Predators

[Barcotic]

..at the top of the food chain..........

Cruising in first, punishing whoever refuses to work,
we groom in the dirt n' lick our wounds when we're hurt..
Rulin' the earth, markin' territory wherever the pride goes,
those to have ever crossed the line know rivals die slow..
We're primal, wild, our competitive style starts at sunrise,
n' we're flawless when it sets n' our true skills to hunt shine..
Some die, sometimes an impala, buffalo, another cat or a zebra,
always defending the carcus from greedy packs of hyenas..
Our actions are meaner, than any species alive or extinct,
until disease takes over n' we're lions lying, dying in stink..
So we're riding the wing, lettin' it happen if it happens,
just ask about our passion, we're the African assassins..
We've lasted with compassion, for only our own kind,
the humans are the only force provoking our cold side..
We won't cry, but every chance we get we'll slay poachers,
forever claiming the plains til mother nature takes over..



..joining the food chain..........

We lurk beneath the surface, murk n' eat with purpose,
hurt the weak for certain, don't work your feet when surfin'..
You'll twerk our deepest urges when mistaken for a seal,
a person isn't on our diet but we'll take em' for a meal..
No fakin cuz it's real, I wouldn't come to our kitchen,
don't be swimmin' cut cuz we smell blood from a distance..
You'll be covered with stitches if you survive an attack,
or you could die as a snack, we never ride with a pack..
Our horizons are black, cuz at night we're rulin' swift,
eatin' Grade A dinners when it comes to schools of fish..
We never cool or quit, stayin' persistent with smart wits
only thing to slow us down is the fishin' for shark fins..
But heart wins, we've lasted since the dinosaurs,
n' unlike them we aren't gonna have a final roar..
We'll stay alive n' more, cuz the strongest fish expand n'
it's just a new start when the next comet hits the planet..

[Barcotic]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ed-389544.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ss-389654.html

[RAS.]

dooooooooooope shit

[Dios de Hip Hop]

good job man. this was really good. I thought it was unique and really well put together.

[Baron Mynd]

The multis were cool, kept the flow bouncing along nicely enough, I thought at times you maybe sacricficed the content for the scheme - which is plausable - but in all honesty, I'd always go the opposite way with anything like that. Content counts. It also had a punchline-feel throughout, which some here may appreciate more than others, namely those who can battle over those here just to write. From a topical view, it was straight, but the battle cats will feel this one more... The diet line was clever, though I'm not sure "Twerk" is a real word. And the only time the flow really faltered for me was in the second stanza with the "Impala, Buffalo, another cat..." etc line. It just had far too many syllables to it compared witht he rest of the piece.

I liked the pics too, especially the second one.

Not bad pimp...

[Barcotic]

The multis were cool, kept the flow bouncing along nicely enough, I thought at times you maybe sacricficed the content for the scheme - which is plausable - but in all honesty, I'd always go the opposite way with anything like that. Content counts. It also had a punchline-feel throughout, which some here may appreciate more than others, namely those who can battle over those here just to write. From a topical view, it was straight, but the battle cats will feel this one more... The diet line was clever, though I'm not sure "Twerk" is a real word. And the only time the flow really faltered for me was in the second stanza with the "Impala, Buffalo, another cat..." etc line. It just had far too many syllables to it compared witht he rest of the piece.

I liked the pics too, especially the second one.

Not bad pimp...

1st of all twerk is a word.. 2nd of all the flow in that bar you thought fell off was "cats or a zebra/packs of hyenas" followed by "actions are meaner".. you may have just read it wrong or didn't catch the multies.. either way, good feed, I appreciate it....

[Rosetti Frost]

multis and flow was off the hook.........

I really have not seen a topic like this around here before......

some ill shit fam..........

no complaints......well worth the read.........

the great white shark is my favorite animal.......they're fascinating.........so i liked the pic

like I said multis and flow really stuck out........

I hope to see you drop here more often..........

[Baron Mynd]

Really? What does "twerk" mean?

I got the multies, and I know full well where it rhymed, I've been at this thing a decade so you would think I'd know about rhyme placement and it's mechanics by now. But this line is just entirely too many syallbles to be flowed at all:

Some die, sometimes an impala, buffalo, another cat or a zebra,

Because all the commas, indicate, pauses, between the words, see?

It gives the line too many syllables when you look at the rest of the piece. Revise it.

[Barcotic]

Don't agree.. it's all how you say it.. but I appreciate the feed anyway....

[Foreshadow]

I thought that this was a real nice drop bar. You did a very nice job with the multies and how you carried the story along with your flow. The pictures brought the piece to life and helped me process the information. Nice drop

[Keeby Swaggz]

this was pretty dope... unique idea, well written and really fleshed out... most of it made perfect sense and was relevant, only a few of your multies felt a bit strained... honestly, the idea of rap lyrics about animals was kinda corny... but you did a great job with it...

[Barcotic]

Word to all the great feedback so far....

[Spoken Deity]

this was sick in my opinion... Your multis were always on point, used with perfection. Your flow, not just because of multis but sentence structure too, was very much on point. Like, there was never a moment I fumbled a word or anything... Your concept was simply dope. The personification of each animal was sick and gave each of them personality and passion. Your descriptions of their hunting habits was just dope. I personally see nothing wrong with this and if it wasnt already nomed, I'd nom it now.

If you wanna return the favor and you know free-verse poetry, hit Abiona and I's collab in PS. If not, dont worry about it...thanks for the read

[Barcotic]

We already know shit gets nomed more than once in here, lol.. but yeah I got you, I'm just trying to write a verse right now but I'll definitly hit that up soon.. n I'm very glad you liked this piece.. I too thought the topic was dope ever since I thought of it while going to sleep one night, lol.. I really had to take my time to put this together properly n get it to flow how I wanted it to....

[The Genesis]

this shit was nice for what it was, fundamentally it was on point, in terms of multies and transitions, shit was on point in that aspect. but as for conceptiually, the whole topic was on some internet 'text' shit, kind of corny, the whole rhyminig in perspective of a shark and lion in audio would be a laughable concept, but fundamentally although the rhyme scheme was reletively simple it was still put together nicely, stay at it.